


A Guide to Modern English

by jane_fucking_seymour



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 02:18:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18907498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jane_fucking_seymour/pseuds/jane_fucking_seymour
Summary: Jane's not too happy about how modern language has evolved... specifically, when Katherine is learning how to use them. (Also known as: The Gang Teaches Katherine Curse Words)





	1. Chapter 1

All Catherine Parr wanted to do was have some peace and quiet.

Unfortunately, with Anne Boleyn suddenly rushing into her room and slamming the door behind her, she knew it was not meant to be.

Parr raises an eyebrow, looking unamused. “What are you doing?”

“Can I…” she catches her breath. “Can I stay in here for a bit? Please?” Before Parr answers, she hears the roar of a very mad Jane Seymour.

**“Anne Boylen, you show yourself right now!”** Anne gives Parr a sheepish smile.

“What did you do?” That’s the only question Parr has on her mind as she sits back and takes a break from writing.

“Uh… nothin’-” Boleyn starts, but Parr has the advantage.

“If you don’t tell me, I’ll tell Jane where you are.”

Boleyn groans.

“Alright. So. It’s rather simple…”

> Boleyn had banged her shin into a wall earlier that day. In a hiss of anger, the jumps up and down, holding her foot as she hops to the couch.
> 
> “Fucking hell-” she starts, but a short ‘tsk tsk’ from Jane makes her stop. Howard looks on curiously. When Jane leaves, Boleyn makes sure her shin is ok before sitting on the couch. She notices how Howard is looking at her and raises an eyebrow.
> 
> “What?” Howard moves over to her and leans in.
> 
> “Are… are you not allowed to say that, too?” Boleyn gives her a questioning look.
> 
> “What are you not allowed to say?”
> 
> “The F word.”
> 
> “Fuck?” Anne asks, but Howard is quick to shush her and wrap a hand around her mouth. Anne pulls the hand away. “You know you’re allowed to say whatever you want to say, right?” Anne asks.
> 
> "But those are the rules for Jane,” Katherine explains. “And she’s mum, so she can do that, right?”
> 
> Anne thinks about it long and hard… before she smirks.
> 
> “You’re 19, Katherine. You can say fuck if you want.” Katherine tilts her head, but Boleyn walks off.
> 
> Katherine’s curious, she must admit, as to what Jane would do if she heard. She knows her mother would never hurt her - ever - but what are the consequences to that? She decides she wants to find out.
> 
> It’s literally ten minutes later when Jane and Boleyn both happen to enter the room again. Howard goes to pick up her phone, but it drops to the floor.
> 
> Well, now’s as good a time as any.
> 
> “Oh, fuck.”
> 
> Jane’s head snaps up in surprise and she whips her head around to look at Katherine.
> 
> “What did you just say, young lady?” She asks, looking completely horrified. Howard is quickly trying to think of a lie. Instead, she just points to Boleyn.
> 
> “She told me to say it!”
> 
> Boleyn’s eyes go wide. “What??? No!” She yells, but Anne can swear there’s murder in Jane’s eyes. She’s quick to retreat into the house, despite Jane yelling for her to get over there...

...which is how she ended up in Parr’s room.

Parr has to laugh - it’s so… normal of a situation. Boleyn pouts.

“Hey, don’t make fun of me!” She whines, shaking her head. Parr settles.

“I’m sorry, but you basically just taught Kath how to say ‘fuck’ in Jane’s eyes,” Parr quips. “You’re a goner.”

“She really is.”

Jane dramatically opens the door, hands on her hips. Anne yelps and is quick to move behind Parr. Aragon has made a special appearance, getting her phone out to record this. Katherine is standing next to Cleves, who’s watching with an amused look on her face.

“Lady Boleyn,” Jane says. Cleves makes an “ooooooooh” sound, knowing the girl’s in trouble. “If I might have a word…”

Parr is unnerved by the deadly look in Jane’s eyes and quickly moves out of the line of fire. Anne gasps, glares at Parr, then hangs her head and moves with Jane.

They end up in Jane’s bedroom.

There’s some yelling, but it’s over fairly quick; a minute or two, nothing more. When Jane opens the door again, Boleyn huffs and moves over to Katherine as she’s in the hallway.

“… I’m sorry for teaching you how to say fu-” she starts, but Jane clears her throat. Anne sighs. “… for saying that word. We shouldn’t use it while we’re in the house.”

Katherine gives her a sympathetic smile before looking back at Jane. “It was my fault, really, I said it. I knew how to say it before she said it, anyways,” Kath smirks. “Because I heard you say it first, mum.”

That’s gotten everyone’s attention. Parr even pokes her head out of her study to listen in.

“Oh really?” Aragon asks. “When did you hear that, little Katherine?” She’s being dramatic because she knows the start of a good story when she hears one.

Katherine continues to smirk. “She dropped a plate of eggs a few days ago. She said it, gasped, looked around to see if anyone was watching, then said fuck again and picked it up,” Kat quips, all too happy to tell the truth.

Parr gasps. “Wait, is this true?”

Jane looks a bit embarrassed. “… fine, no one’s in trouble,” Jane replies, giving up. She’s looking down, but she’s got a smile on her face. “For now, at least. But I better not catch you lot saying that again in the house! No one can, house rules now.”

“Including you,” Boleyn reminds her, a cheeky smile on her face. Jane just rolls her eyes fondly.


	2. Parr's Turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Jane... "suggesting" that Boleyn not teach Katherine another curse, it's Parr's turn to pick up the slack.

“So, how does that work again?”

“Bull-ox,” Parr says slowly, stressing the pronunciation so Katherine can understand it. “It’s what you say when you’re annoyed or inconvenienced.”

Basically, at least. Parr will teach her the more advanced stuff later.

Boleyn, meanwhile, looks absolutely delighted. She’s not sue how exactly she got Parr to agree to teaching Katherine more swear words, but she’s infinitely happy that she did. Katherine seemed to be having a lot of fun with this, giving Katherine in-depth breakdowns of the words she’s teaching her.

Jane comes walking past the room, only stopping when she hears Katherine giggle. She pokes her head in with a smile.

“Having fun, girls?”

“Yeah, mum,” Katherine says. “Parr’s just teaching me a new language.”

“French,” Parr easily lies. Katherine looks back at her and only smiles wider.

“Well, you girls have fun,” Jane says, giving them a soft wave. “Lunch is almost ready.”

Katherine nods in thanks and then turns back to Catherine. She wanted to learn more.

A few hours later, everyone is settled in for lunch, when Katherine stubs her toe on the table leg.

Welp, time to test it out.

“Bollocks!”

Jane’s fork drops in shock and she looks up.

“What…?” she looks over at Anne, murder once again in her eyes.

Boleyn shakes her head. “Oi! It wasn’t me this time! I swear!”

“It wasn’t her,” Katherine confirms. Jane gives Katherine a bit of a look, but she can’t actually stay mad at Katherine for long, especially not for a silly reason like this.

“Who was it then, love?” Jane gives a bright smile that, to everyone else, is scary. “I’d just like to have a word with them.”

Katherine shakes her head. “Nope! Not this time. I’m not telling you.” Katherine is quite giddy about this. “I’m learning more and more words each day, and soon enough I’ll be able to swear with the best of them!”

“Not if I have anything to say about it…” Jane mumbles, picking up her fork. She looks around the table; no one is really showing any tells. If what Katherine said was true about it not being Boleyn - which she still isn’t totally convinced about - then the others have far greater poker faces. 

This’ll be hard.

A few hours later, she hears Katherine once again use that blasted word and she can’t help but roll her eyes. She knows Katherine is watching, she knows the girl is being cheeky. In all honesty, she loves how Kat is so relaxed playing this game. It makes Jane’s heart soar.

That being said, however, no child of hers will be caught saying those damned words while she was in charge.

“Kitty-Kat,” Jane says in the sweetest voice she can manage. She’s pulling out all the stops, clearly, to try to get Katherine to say who did it. Kat giggles at the nickname. “Can you please tell me who taught you that, hmm?”

“Nope!” Kat replies back, confident and carefree. Then, she settles. “But… I promise I won’t use it as often as I am now tomorrow. And the days after that. It’s just… it’s too much fun, mum! I’m learning so many new things from-” she starts, but she stops dead just before she gives Parr away.

Dammit.

Jane rolls her eyes. “Go on, you clever girl, you get the day… or until I figure out who it is.”

“Deal!” Kat says, moving over to hug Jane for a moment before she moves away and into her room.

Jane thinks over all of the stuff she’s heard today: Katherine learning new words, Boleyn’s deniability, seeing Kat with Parr in Parr’s room before lunch-

\-  _ Oh. _

As if on cue, Parr enters the kitchen, giving Jane a short, friendly nod hello. It takes a moment before Jane smiles back - just a bit too wide to be normal.

“How are you, Catherine?” Jane asks, slowly making her way over to Parr. Parr nods. 

“Just fine. I’ve just finished up a chapter, so I came for some tea-”

She turns around to find Jane right behind her. Cat jumps in surprise.

“God, Jane, you scared me!” She says, but the smile on Jane’s face grows… larger. More suspicious.

Parr keeps a neutral face.

“You know, Catherine Parr,” Jane says; Parr winces at the use of her full name, but Jane continues. “I was just thinking…”

She looks Parr straight in the eye.

“What type of…  _ French _ … did you teach my dear Katherine earlier today?”

Parr blinks, then opens her mouth, then blinks, then closes her mouth, the instantly goes to rush past Jane.

Jane, rather fluidly, not only moves to get in the way of Parr, but also steals her tea.

“Lady Parr,” Jane says in that I’m-calm-but-I’m-really-furious voice. Parr tenses. “How about you and I have a little chat?”

A few minutes later, Katherine catches Boleyn outside of Jane’s room, ear pressed against the door.

Howard tilts her head. “What’s going on?”

“Shh!” Boleyn says. “Jane figured Parr out. They’re-” she starts, but then the door opens and Boleyn falls onto her face.

Katherine chuckles when Boleyn scampers behind Howard. 

Parr looks amused, but also a bit haunted.

“I’m glad we could have this talk, Catherine,” Jane says, a bright smile on her face before she closes the door.

Boleyn pokes her head out from behind Howard. “Parr? You alright?”

Parr sighs.

“Jane said I can’t teach you any more curse words,” she says. At Howard’s disappointed look, Parr smirks. 

“She never said Cleves couldn’t, though.”


	3. Cleves' Turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Two down, two to go..." - Jane Seymour, probably. Cleves has her shot at teaching Katherine some new words.

Cleves is all too happy to teach Katherine as much as she can about the more…  _ interesting _ words of languages.

“What should we teach her?” Cleves muses, looking over at Parr and Boleyn. Parr is leaning against the door frame while Boleyn keeps watch on the other side of it. Katherine, for her part, was sitting attentively on the ground, waiting for the next lesson.

“Something that’s not as easy for Jane to figure out,” Anne said. “Something she’d have to work for.”

Cleves thinks for a moment before she smirks. “I have just the thing.”

As far as Jane was concerned, the “Teach Katherine Howard Curse Words” initiative had apparently ceased after Parr was talked to.

Both Parr and Boleyn hadn’t taught Katherine any new words - at least, as far as Jane could tell.

Like this morning, when Katherine dropped the pan with a small gasp.

“Ah, hündin.”

At first, Jane didn’t think anything of it. She thought she had misheard Katherine originally, that maybe she said something else. But then, she kept on saying it in any minor inconvenience: the wifi going down, a video buffered, her notebook being filled up to the last page. She suspected something a bit more, though, when Boleyn accidentally bumped into Katherine on the stairs.

“You dumb hündin,” Katherine says happily. Boleyn mock gasps, looking dramatic as she holds a hand to her chest.

“Katherine Howard!” She says as if she’s about to get into trouble. But then, Anne fake-shed a tear. “I’m so proud.”

That was the biggest tip off.

Jane tilted her head the next time Katherine said it again later on that night, this time paying more attention.

“What did you just say, love?” she asks, completely curious in tone. 

Katherine smiled widely. “Hündin,” she says. 

“What’s that? German?” Jane asks, tilting her head. Then, narrowing her eyes when Katherine starts giggling:

“What does it mean, love?”

Katherine shrugs, then quickly skips off. Jane shakes her head with a smile before taking out her phone.

It takes one “hundin german” search for her to know what it is.

Cleves knew who it was as soon as she heard the knock on the door.

She opened it, smiling warmly at Jane. Jane herself was smiling, but it was the type of smile that made Parr and Boleyn run off in fear.

It didn’t seem to affect Cleves as much, if at all.

“Can I come in, Lady Cleves?” Jane asks. Parr, who had been walking towards Jane to get past her and into the kitchen, is quick to about face and walk back to her room a bit faster than what she was originally going at the smile Jane had on her face. 

Boleyn poked her head out at the ‘Lady Cleves’ and then immediately yelled out ‘new record, Cleves! Four hours!’ before shutting her door, Katherine Howard giggling in Boleyn’s room all the while.

Cleves smiles wider and nods. “Of course, Lady Seymour,” she quips, letting the girl in.

Jane closes the door behind her calmly. Then, with a rolling of her eyes:

“Did you really teach her ‘bitch’?” 

“Yeah,” Cleves quips. “She wanted to learn another language and I’m all for her learning German.”

“Not all German, clearly,” Jane quips. She sits down at Cleves’ desk.

“What’s up with the girls teaching her all of that?” Jane asks. 

“Mostly to mess with you, from what I can see,” Cleves says, sitting on her bed. “It’s not malicious. They just want to have some fun. And honestly, the three of them together could get into some serious trouble elsewhere… this is harmless compared to what they could be doing.” 

“True,” Jane agrees. “Parr said the same thing, really. I don’t mind it, I’ll keep appearances because it makes Anne and Kat so happy.” She chuckles.

“Fair enough,” Anna replies, smiling brightly. She puts hand on Jane’s shoulder.

“You really are a great mum, you know that, right?”

Jane smiles softly at that.

“I hope so… though I don’t think this is very conventional.”

She sighs.

“Alright, off with you, then. Try something in French or something, I think she’d like that. Parr can help with that.” 

“I thought you said that Parr can’t teach her anymore?” Cleves asks, moving towards the door.

“I said in English, actually,” Jane quips. “Never said any other languages. No more German, though.”

“A challenge, then? Perfect,” Cleves says. She puts her hand on the handle, but stalls when Jane calls.

“Be careful opening that door, I’m sure there’s a Boleyn girl eavesdropping.”

Sure enough there was, but Katherine Howard was also right next to her.

Kat originally looked a bit nervous, but when Cleves smiled at her, Kat was relieved. She smiles and waves at her mum before the three of them move into Parr’s study, closing the door behind them.

When Jane goes back into the kitchen, she sees Aragon reading a scripture. 

“How’s all that going?” Aragon asks. Jane chuckles. 

“It’s actually going really well.”

 


	4. Aragon's Turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This is getting absolutely ridiculous..." - Jane Seymour, again, probably. Aragon "helps" the others with their quest to teach Katherine some of the more "fun" words of the English language.

Catherine of Aragon doesn’t usually partake in the other girls’ antics.

Usually, she’s a silent observer, just watching as the rest of them do some crazy thing or another. She loves the girls, she really does, but she prefers to stay out of trouble as much as possible.

However, the pout from Katherine and the idea of messing with Jane with some harmless fun made things a bit more tempting than normal.

With a rolling of her eyes, Aragon sighs.

“Alright, you want a curse that’s completely outlandish, right?” Katherine nods enthusiastically.

“I’ve got the perfect thing.”

A few minutes later, Katherine is in the room with Jane. Just as Jane goes to say hello, Howard manages to trip and fall. Jane’s instantly at her side.

“Are you alright, love-” she starts, but then Katherine says it.

“Jesus Christ on a bicycle!”

Jane gives her a look.

“… what?”

Katherine looks up, smiling. “Jesus Christ on a bicycle!” 

Jane has to take a step back, pinching the bridge of her nose. “That’s… that’s not even a curse, love.”

Kat deflates. “It’s not?”

“Not really, no. You can say that whenever you’d like, you silly girl,” Jane says, chuckling and gently ruffling Kat’s hair. “Are  you okay?”

“Well, physically, yes,” she quips, looking a bit annoyed. Then, she stands up, headed to Parr’s room. “Catherine!”

“Katherine!” Parr returns the abrupt greeting, spinning around from her desk to face the younger woman.

“I need a new curse word,” Katherine declares.

“Your mum said I couldn’t,” Parr replies.

“Not in English! That’s what Cleves said she said.” 

Parr goes to say something, but then she looks behind Katherine. There, in the shadows, was Jane Seymour, glaring at Parr.

Parr, this time, stands up. 

“So, when you don’t like someone or they do something bad,” Parr says calmly. Jane narrows her eyes, but Parr takes it as a challenge. “You call them a rat bast-”

“NOPE!” Jane yells, instantly behind Katherine and gently putting her hands over the girl’s ears. “Nope, not again! You’re in a world of trouble, Lady Parr, but first  _ you _ , Katherine, need to go clean your room. Or something.”

“What?” Kat asks, a bit surprised. “But I cleaned it last week!” 

“And it still looks like a whirlwind went through it,” Jane replies. “Come on, let’s go.”

Katherine groans, shuffling off to her room. Jane looks back at Parr.

Parr shrugs.

“That was for the kazoo.”

Jane can’t help but laugh.

 


End file.
